Criteria for a Successful Marriage

Question

Peace be upon you. The verses speak of wonderful themes regarding marital life and righteous offspring. What are the criteria for a successful marriage that brings joy to the eyes? [AR_ID:624]

Answer 1

Peace be upon you.

Firstly, dear questioner, the marital relationship is one that exemplifies constant connection in its clearest forms. It is characterized by many features, as the couple forms the essential element of life, which is the family, from which lineage continues and the earth is cultivated. In this relationship, a person discovers their traits and learns closely about their virtues and vices, determining their status in their journey towards God. Since this relationship is ongoing, it will witness events that are contested by the forces of the soul in making decisions. Sometimes, emotions lead a person to make decisions regarding certain incidents that should not be handled emotionally, while at other times, anger or traits such as cowardice, fear, greed, or envy may lead them.

The realm of marital life is the strongest field for self-discovery and refinement. It can be likened to the seasons, not remaining constant but fluctuating based on who controls their own self in managing this relationship. Therefore, the true philosophy of happiness in marital life is to enhance wisdom and allow it to govern the kingdom of the soul. Not every emotion is perfection, nor is every act of generosity, nor is every act of kindness praiseworthy. Not every suppression of anger is necessary, and happiness and misery depend on good management, which is a struggle and a battle. When you see something from your spouse that you dislike, how do you react?

No one can answer this question except with the quality of wisdom! Reflect and understand the intended meaning...

Thus, dear questioner, I could write an article similar to many others highlighting the necessity of mercy, compassion, patience, and controlling anger, among other qualities. However, what lies behind that is understanding the required reaction to the current event, which may differ from person to person. A person must strive to know the truths of the things they deal with to appropriately and wisely express their emotions. Wisdom is placing things in their proper place, and the expression of anger is perfect when the situation calls for it, just as mercy and kindness are.

To manage this life wisely, we must understand the issues we make decisions about and be as close to reality as possible, rather than getting lost in daydreams when dealing with them. In this context, the wife has rights and duties, as does the husband, and so do the children. Knowing these rights is one of the essential first steps for wise interaction; otherwise, injustice and the deprivation of these rights negate wise dealings, which in turn deprives justice and happiness in a person's life. You must reflect on yourself and your intentions behind your actions, ensuring that you do not harbor bad intentions towards the other. Secondly, you must understand the other person and their rights over you, seeking that from its sources. Then, evaluate the course of this relationship in connection with its primary purpose, which is to reach and draw closer to God. Every inclination that God places in a person has a path that leads to the path of perfection, and a person must be just and wise in following this inclination to avoid falling into excess or deficiency.

Among the most prominent indicators of the correctness of this path is the feeling of seriousness, energy, and high ambition. A wise person with a goal does not hesitate to advance towards the objective they seek; otherwise, the essence is not merely having a goal without working towards achieving it. Naturally, this journey requires constant energy and enthusiasm; thus, boredom and laziness are not part of faith. The believer's spirit is always youthful, as expressed about the companions of the cave who were elderly but were called youthful due to their faith. In a narration, from Sulayman ibn Ja'far al-Hudhali, he said: Ja'far ibn Muhammad (peace be upon them) said to me: O Sulayman, who is the youth? I said: May I be sacrificed for you, the youth among us is the young man. He said: Did you not know that the companions of the cave were all elderly, yet God called them youths because of their faith? O Sulayman, whoever believes in God and is pious is the youth. (Bihar al-Anwar 14: 428). Therefore, whoever mismanages marital life and is not just and wise in it will not be safe from committing sins and failing to fulfill the rights of others. Consequently, they will be unjust, and injustice hinders and prevents progress and perfection. Thus, dear reader, you need only to know these rights and contemplate them to observe them. These rights can be extracted by referring to what has been mentioned regarding the rights of the wife and family in the practical messages of esteemed scholars:

See inquiries about marital rights

And the Message of Rights by Imam Zain al-Abidin, along with some narrations that discuss this in the narrative collections:

And see family rights.