Is it obligatory to obey parents or is it forbidden to harm them?
[AR_ID:545]
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1 Answer
Peace be upon you.
The most severe form of severing family ties is disobedience to parents, as Allah has commanded kindness and good treatment towards them. He says in His Holy Book: (And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], 'uff,' and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word) [Surah Al-Isra: 23].
The Imam (peace be upon him) said: “The slightest form of disobedience is 'uff.' If Allah had known of anything less than that, He would have prohibited it.”
Imam Abu Ja'far (peace be upon him) said: “My father (peace be upon him) looked at a man walking with his son, and the son was leaning on his father's arm. My father did not speak to him in reproach until he departed this world.”
Imam Ja'far Al-Sadiq (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever looks at his parents with contempt while they are unjust to him, Allah will not accept his prayer.”
There are many other hadiths on this matter.
In contrast, (being good to parents) is one of the best acts of devotion to Allah. He says in His Holy Book: (And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.') [Surah Al-Isra: 25]
Ibrahim ibn Shu'ayb narrated: “I said to Abu Abdullah (peace be upon him), 'My father has grown very old and weak, and we carry him when he needs something.' He said: 'If you can take care of him, do so, and feed him with your own hand, for it will be a shield for you on the Day of Judgment.'”
It has also been emphasized in the hadiths that the mother's rights come before the father's. Imam Al-Sadiq (peace be upon him) said: “A man came to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, who should I be good to?' He said: 'Your mother.' The man asked: 'Then who?' The Prophet replied: 'Your mother.' The man asked again: 'Then who?' The Prophet said: 'Your mother.' The man asked once more: 'Then who?' The Prophet said: 'Your father.'”
Sayyid Sistani:
A child has two obligations towards their parents:
First: To treat them kindly, by providing for them if they are in need, meeting their living requirements, and fulfilling their requests regarding their affairs, within the limits of what is customary and in accordance with sound nature. Neglecting this is a denial of their kindness towards him, and it varies in extent based on their condition of strength or weakness.
Second: To associate with them in a good manner, without harming them verbally or physically, even if they are unjust to him. The text states: 'And if they strike you, do not repel them but say: May Allah forgive you.'
This pertains to their affairs.
As for matters concerning the child himself, which may cause harm to one of the parents, it is divided into two categories:
1. If the harm arises from the parent's concern for their child, then any action leading to that harm is prohibited, whether they forbid it or not.
2. If the harm arises from the parent's possession of some reprehensible traits, such as not wishing good for their child, whether in this world or the Hereafter. In this case, the parent's harm does not have an effect, and the child is not obliged to comply with such desires. Thus, it becomes clear that obeying parents in their personal commands and prohibitions is not obligatory in itself, and Allah knows best.
Sayyid Khamenei:
If the parents' command involves an action that is not prohibited by Sharia, it is preferable to obey them, unless disobeying them would cause them significant harm, in which case it is not permissible to oppose their command.
Source:
(1) Al-Kafi - Sheikh Al-Kulayni - Vol. 2 - Page 349
(2) Sharh Usul Al-Kafi - Mullah Muhammad Saleh Al-Mazandarani - Vol. 9 - Page 420
(3) Al-Kafi - Sheikh Al-Kulayni - Vol. 2 - Page 349
(4) Al-Kafi - Sheikh Al-Kulayni - Vol. 2 - Page 162
(5) Bihar Al-Anwar - Allama Al-Majlisi - Vol. 71 - Page 49
Sayyid Sistani: Fiqh for Expatriates.
Sayyid Khamenei: Official Website.