A young woman expresses her struggle with obeying her mother's demands regarding food, as she has difficulty eating certain foods and feels pressured to comply. She seeks guidance on whether it is sinful to disobey her parents in this matter and whether it is permissible to dispose of food to avoid upsetting her mother.
[AR_ID:4878]
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1 Answer
Peace be upon you,
Your concern for obeying and honoring your mother is evident in your question. We emphasize the importance of this through the following narrations:
A man said to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him): "My mother has reached old age, and I carry her on my back, feed her from my earnings, and remove harm from her with my hands, yet I feel shy before her and honor her. Have I repaid her?" He replied: "No, because her womb was your container, her breast was your drink, her feet were your shoes, her hands were your protection, and her lap was your resting place. She did all this for you while wishing for your life, and you do this to her while you love her death." (Mustadrak al-Wasa'il wa Mustanbat al-Masa'il, Vol. 15, p. 180)
In another narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "It was asked, 'O Messenger of Allah, what is the right of the father?' He said, 'You must obey him as long as he is alive.' It was asked, 'And what is the right of the mother?' He said, 'How could it be compared? Even if he were to stand before her as numerous as the grains of sand or the drops of rain throughout the days of this world, it would not equal the day she carried him in her womb.' (Awa'il al-Li'ali al-Aziziyah in religious hadiths, Vol. 1, p. 269).
Thus, a person is indeed unable to fulfill the rights of their parents, especially when their guidance is for your benefit and out of concern for you, as is the case here. Your mother only wants you to receive the necessary nutrition, which is for your own good and out of love for you. While she should not force you to do such things, especially if you genuinely cannot comply, whatever you can do to accommodate her and please her is commendable. However, neglecting this matter, as per your question, does not constitute a sin or disobedience.
As for disposing of food by throwing it in the trash, this is not permissible as it constitutes wastefulness.
Ayatollah al-Uzma Sayyid Sistani (may Allah protect him):
Regarding matters concerning the child that may cause distress to the parents, it is divided into two categories:
1. If the distress arises from the parent's concern for their child, then any action leading to that distress is prohibited, whether they forbid it or not.
2. If the distress arises from the parent's negative traits, such as not wishing well for their child in worldly or spiritual matters, then the child's obedience to such desires is not obligatory.
Thus, it becomes clear that obeying parents in their personal commands and prohibitions is not inherently obligatory.
Therefore, the conclusion is that the mother should not force you to do such actions, especially if you genuinely cannot comply.
As for disposing of food by throwing it in the trash, this is not permissible as it constitutes wastefulness.
Source: Official website: 1, 2, 3.
Ayatollah al-Uzma Sayyid Khamenei (may Allah protect him):
If the parents' command involves an action that is not prohibited by Sharia, it is preferable to obey them, unless disobeying them would cause them significant harm; in that case, disobeying their command is not permissible.
Source:
Official website + Special Inquiry + Answers to Inquiries - Hoarding and Wastefulness + Rulings on the Deceased - 245 + Jurisprudence of Guardianship - How to Address Wastefulness and Showiness
May you be successful in all good.