How to Deal with Someone Whose Behavior I Can't Tolerate

Question

A person I communicate with has been causing me discomfort. Someone told me that Ramadan is approaching, and it is not right to remain in animosity with this person. My problem is that I can't tolerate their behavior. What should I do? [AR_ID:3982]

Answer 1

Peace be upon you. It is undoubtedly commendable to maintain a harmonious relationship among believers, as it brings comfort to those who experience it. However, if one cannot achieve this emotional connection with those around them, the minimum requirement is to avoid harboring animosity towards others. Some scholars emphasize that it is obligatory to avoid severing ties with a believer for more than four days, and it is forbidden to belittle or insult them. You are not required to love this person, but there are degrees between love and animosity or severing ties. Not speaking to them does not constitute severance if it is not based on animosity. The least you can do is to avoid daily interactions, meaning you do not have to consider them a close friend. However, you should address any resentment or animosity in your heart by examining its causes within yourself. Try to express your discomfort regarding their behavior and clarify that your intention in doing so is to improve your relationship. If you find it difficult to achieve this, seek common interests between you and enhance interactions related to those interests only. Allah loves those who approach Him, and He is self-sufficient. His goodness descends to us, even though our wrongdoings ascend to Him. The Sharia does not permit us to treat people based on how they treat us; rather, it commands us to do good to those who wrong us and to act according to the principles of brotherhood among believers. Therefore, your struggle to be patient with what you know about them and to forgive their misdeeds is a kindness to yourself before it is a kindness to them. Those who do good will be rewarded similarly. Ask Allah to grant them continued success and guidance, and try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their actions from their perspective and the circumstances that led them to behave that way. The behavior of any person stems from their thought processes, which are influenced by many factors such as environment, upbringing, and experiences. Do not judge others' actions solely based on your understanding and perspective; instead, strive to comprehend the reasons behind their behavior to find excuses for them and help them overcome their shortcomings. May Allah grant you success and guidance in all good things.