How to Harmonize with My Religious Identity?

Question

Peace be upon you. I was born to parents who are ordinary Shia Muslims. May Allah reward my parents for instilling in me the love of Allah and the love of the Ahlulbayt (peace be upon them). My problem is that as I grew older, I do not feel a sense of belonging or spiritual connection. My existence feels fragile, like chaff in the wind, and my faith is weak. My heart is veiled, my soul is flawed, my mind is overwhelmed, my desires dominate me, my obedience is minimal, and my sins are numerous. I feel lost and adrift, having lost my identity, which was easier to maintain in childhood. Islamic dialogues, the rapid political events, and the expansion of wars, along with the participation of Shia Muslims in some of them, have made my situation even more difficult. This has led me to doubt what we do. I wish to be simple, but my aspirations are very weak, and my sins and wrongdoings are great. The problem is not just in the sins but in the consequences of those sins, like the accumulation of repentance requirements, such as making up missed prayers for over twenty years. I have been suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder for years, and the situation has worsened significantly despite my resorting to all permissible religious and medical means. I have reached a state of despair and hopelessness due to the severe obsession with purity and its pains, and I do not know how to fix myself. I often wish I had no impact on existence and that Allah had not created me, as I feel like a great shame on the nation of the best of Allah's creation. I sometimes think that Allah created me to punish me, as I see all the trials and feel weak and incapable of fulfilling the responsibilities that Allah has given me. I want to know one thing: how can I bring joy to the heart of the noble Prophet, his family, the prophets, messengers, angels, and the best of Allah's creation through my actions? I seek your advice. [AR_ID:3753]

Answer 1

Peace and mercy of Allah be upon you. Praise be to Allah who has blessed you with the feelings you are experiencing. There is a significant difference between someone whose doubts and hesitations lead them to abandon their faith and someone whose doubts lead them to seek knowledge and certainty. Doubt can be commendable if it serves as a means to seek certainty and knowledge. It is entirely natural at this stage to feel a lack of inner peace, as peace is a state of mind that arises from clarity of thought and vision. There is a connection between a person's feelings and their thoughts; feelings often manifest the mind's state. Therefore, it is not expected to feel emotional stability while facing many intellectual questions. This instability is not concerning from a religious perspective, as it depends on the conclusions one reaches. It is sufficient at this intellectual stage to turn to Allah, asking for guidance and seeking knowledge to alleviate this doubt through your current inquiries. However, we must be clear, given the sensitivity of your question, that your concerns touch on many points that require detailed discussion. But since we cannot address everything, we will attempt to cover what is permissible in this context, insha'Allah. The issue of belonging and spiritual connection is a common problem faced by many believers, who experience it to varying degrees. It is a test for humanity, created for the weight of servitude and obedience to Allah in His commands and prohibitions. The heart experiences a state of inclination and withdrawal until it reaches the highest ranks. The spiritual experience is one of the greatest journeys a person undertakes in life, and it is not expected to be easy to achieve. On the other hand, it is not impossible to attain. A believer will increasingly feel alienation and isolation as time passes, and they must be patient with a group of believers. The Quran states, "And be patient with those who call upon their Lord morning and evening, seeking His face. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring the adornment of worldly life. And do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair has been lost." Having faithful companions is one of the most important factors for maintaining faith throughout life. The Quranic verse clearly links feelings of confusion and loss with the heart's heedlessness of remembrance. A person who is heedless of Allah is like a string of beads that has broken, scattering the beads on the ground. This is how the soul feels when it is heedless of remembrance; it feels lost and restless. Remembering Allah is like the string that binds the beads together, keeping them intact. Therefore, we are commanded to associate with believers who can support us when we feel weak and lost. "Indeed, mankind is in loss, except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised one another to truth and advised one another to patience." One of the goals of this faithful group is to encourage patience in the face of the challenges of this spiritual journey and to guide each other toward the truth. There is a significant difference between someone who wants to cross the desert alone and someone who has companions with them. Thus, the first piece of advice is to seek a faithful friend and find a committed, educated environment. A believer may experience disappointment due to neglecting knowledge and scholars. Neglecting knowledge leads to feelings of disappointment, especially in times of trials and doubts. How can one address these issues alone? We turn to specialists for the simplest matters we face, so why not turn to them regarding our fate and the hereafter? All these matters can only be addressed with the help of a knowledgeable and faithful group, so do not underestimate the importance of seeking them out and associating with them. The second issue you mentioned is the rapid political events and the expansion of wars, including the participation of Shia Muslims in some of them. We cannot delve into the nature of these applications, but it is sufficient to point out that their ambiguity should not cause you to feel disconnected from your faith or negatively impact your relationship with Allah. Adhering to divine commands and maintaining a righteous path in obligatory matters is sufficient for you to feel a sense of belonging to your religious identity. After establishing this adherence and feeling at ease in your relationship with Allah, the complexities of political events will not weigh heavily on you, nor will they threaten your religious affiliation. Their impact will be limited and clear, especially concerning your circumstances. However, there is no fundamental or structural connection to this during the stage of adherence that depends on commitment to the practical message. Allah is the guide to the truth. "Glory be to You, how narrow are the paths for those You do not guide, and how clear is the truth for those You have shown the way." In general, do not burden yourself with the need to know everything, and do not allow the devil to disturb the clarity of your faith by linking matters that should not be connected or enlarging the scope of issues that do not warrant such expansion. The third issue you mentioned is obsessive-compulsive disorder. In our humble opinion, this is the root of your problem, and the previously mentioned matters do not significantly affect your emotional state. This issue alone is sufficient to cause you the distress you feel. Many people have abandoned their faith due to this, finding it easier to leave religion than to cope with the imagined impurity, choosing to abandon what they believe is impure instead of changing their mindset. This is often due to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and turmoil, leading to a sense of exhaustion and destructive fatigue. Therefore, we advise you not to link many matters together and to focus on this issue. You may refer to the question on how to deal with the obsession with purity and impurity, which we have answered in detail in the consultation section. In general, the fear of a bad outcome is a divine blessing that should not be overlooked. However, do not let your mind conceive that Allah is heedless of you or that the Ahlulbayt do not care about your prayers and guidance. Allah created us out of love and mercy. He is the epitome of beauty and majesty, and there is no one more merciful to us than Him, not even our mothers or anyone else can hold as much compassion and kindness for us as Allah does. How can you not feel this certainty in your heart? Do not approach Allah as if He is unaware of your guidance and care; He is the gracious, forgiving, loving Lord. We, with our limited qualities, feel compassion for you; how much more so does Allah, who is the epitome of kindness and mercy? However, Allah has decreed that matters proceed through their causes. Seeking religious knowledge regarding our salvation is not merely recommended; it is obligatory. We must acquire knowledge that dispels doubts and clears our responsibilities in our actions. It is impossible for Allah to keep us from drawing near to Him, but we must not despair of knocking on His door. Whoever knocks persistently will soon find it opened for them. If Allah had wanted to humiliate you, He would not have guided you; if He had wanted to expose you, He would not have concealed you. These are the challenges of this time to distinguish the pure from the impure and to differentiate between the believers and the hypocrites and disbelievers. Those who know are not equal to those who do not know in the sight of Allah. Seek guidance from Allah in the depths of the dark night. Rise to your prayer mat during the last third of the night while others are asleep, and converse with Allah with a broken, sorrowful heart. Let Him hear your sad voice; it is impossible for the Generous to turn away a supplicant, especially when He is the Giver without being asked. How beautiful is the state of a broken-hearted person when they hold the supplications of Imam Zain al-Abidin and converse with Allah in that state. Allah is close and responsive; this is our certainty in Allah, so do not despair of His mercy. Entrust your guidance to Allah, knowing that He is capable of all things. Insha'Allah, we will not forget you in our prayers for success. We advise you to review: - The question on how to reach a state of comfort in worship, available in the consultation section. - The question on how to face life's pressures, available in the consultation section. May you be successful in all good.